Toto, I Don't Think We're in NYC Anymore...

So a good friend of mine and I were texting back and forth, when he asked me today...Did you miss LA?

I've been here for two days and last night I cried to my husband because I was extremely overwhelmed and confused about everything going on (and not going on) and didn't know what else to do.

Soooo....did I miss LA?  I don't even know LA!

I'm a very social and extroverted person.  I need interaction with people and friends to keep me motivated and feeling fresh.  I also need dance or exercise to keep me happy.  The past two days, I got thrown back into the city after coming from a GREAT contract where I had motivation and a driving force everyday--performing and choreographing.  I was surrounded by friends, exercising was part of my day, and I had a very solid routine.  The only problem there was that I was away from Matt for three months and the longing for him got to me more than I was prepared for.  Here, I've been basically isolated for two days while Matt went off to work--so I've been craigslisting and emailing every person I know who knows someone's great grandmother who lives in LA or did one day five years ago for help finding a job.

Ok.  Maybe I'm being dramatic.

But coming from the world of NYC, where I could have a gig within 12 hours of applying and in the meantime, go out to a bar in midtown to meet up with three or four friends.  I think within 48 hours, my insecurities of moving across the country came down on me and my heart and mind and neither knew what to do about it.  I know people here but not like I did in NYC.  And while  most of our best friends of NYC are leaving or preparing to leave in the next year, I guess my insecurity comes from the unknown.  Of not knowing what will happen next and knowing that even if we were to go back to NYC, it won't be like it was before.  We are subletting in a very isolated part of town and so as materialistic as it sounds, I'm not surrounded by our things.  And haven't been for over three months because I was in actors housing before this.  (Yet, in the back of my Buddist type thinking--I know I have so much more than many people and for that I should be grateful.)

I guess my heart is longing for something familiar and right now--all that is, is Matt--and he's not (nor do I expect him to be) here all the time.

I'm very overwhelmed and today I'm accepting that feeling and writing it down.  I'm overwhelmed, a little frustrated, missing my friends, and just...well, just trying my best.

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