My Own National Tour

9/28/10


So, today is the day that I keep finding old blog entries that I have been waiting on my little laptop, waiting for thousands of unknown Americans to read.  So, today is the day that I post them.  This is the day that I post them.  This is from the date posted above.  Life, so interesting, isn't it?  This is even more interesting since I know what TODAY'S post will actually be about...

Sooo...to put it mildly, the last few weeks of my life have been, well...INSANE.   Yeah yeah yeah, I know.  I said, that I would put memories in here.  I will.  These will be memories too, right?

Anyway, so as I type, I am on my way to Texas.  And you probably just said, “Why is she going to Texas?”.  I’m not getting into that yet though because you want to know what?  Last night I was in Baltimore.  The day before that-Virginia.  The day before that-Louisiana.  Three days before that-Tennessee.  A week before that, Atlanta.  Before that, NYC.  And, guess what, before that PA.  All of this happened after I left Florida.  Don’t worry, no “before that’s” coming again.  I was, thank God, in Florida for a year.  I just wanted to share my insanity of the past few weeks.  

And because of my insanity, I cried last night.  I couldn’t find the tag that goes on my license plate, for the car that I’m leaving in Baltimore with my brother and sister-in-law for this week and the next month while I’m in NYC.  And because I can’t find my license plate tag renewal, I don’t do what a sensible person does.  A sensible person would have taken a few breaths and gone out to her car and calmly looked through all of her bags that she would think she would put such an item.  

But, as you will learn from reading this blog, I am not a sensible person.  I, instead, have a panic attack.  All of sudden, the fact that my best girlfriend is now getting married, the fact that I’m afraid that she will forget about me, how it’ll never be the same, how her wonderful fiance and her church and her TX life have carried her away.  And the fact that my savings is dwindling, I can’t have a car in NYC, that every awesome I audition I have had lately I did not get a job from, that I do not have a day job l lined up in the city, that I do not have an apartment in the city, the fact that I am missing some of my best friends, and worried that I made the wrong choice with breaking up with my boyfriend months ago (another long story).  The fact that I don’t know where half of my SHIT is and that I can’t take half of it to NYC.  That I haven’t worked out since I left Florida and feel like a COW.  The realization that I’m only getting older, that more of my friends are getting married, that there are fewer people out there that “get” me than I had thought so long ago.  That all of a sudden, I am wondering, what the hell am I doing with my life.  

It all boiled down.

It boiled down to a panic attack/crazed crying fit/blubbering childish mess at 1 AM (when I should have been to sleep because I had to be up in 5 hours) on a bed, in a room, in Baltimore.  And began because I couldn’t find my license plate renewal tag in the heap of crap in my car.

And I cried to no one.  I didn’t call anyone.  I just wanted to feel sorry for myself.  Even though I have a room over my head, I have a car, supporting parents who want the world for me, friends who love me, and my best friend is going to marry the man she loves.  

And she’s going to love him for the rest of her life.  

And I just cried.  

Oh life...

Love love,

Adrienne